Bouncing around cities, making new friends wherever I went, and taking on whatever jobs that sparked my curiosity, much of my young adult life moved with an intense dynamism that sometimes bordered on sporadic. For a while, I proudly claimed this lifestyle. Living life open to possibility and making decisions heart-first felt both exciting and genuine. The inverse philosophy of setting and pursuing clearly defined career and life goals did not make sense. Not only did life seem unpredictable, but the media and literature I had consumed as a teenager frequently showed me that stubbornly sticking to a “life plan” often led to unhappiness. So, I tended to live more openly and spontaneously.
A consequence of that lifestyle, however, was that at times I would not be consistent with my thoughts, actions, and decisions. Living more openly and serendipitously left me more susceptible to flights of passion, flows of the moment, or flits of motivation. Sometimes, that was fine and worked well for me. Other times, it created discomfiting effects.
A major insight I gleaned from reflecting over my past two years in the the pandemic: cultivating greater consistency could potentially improve certain aspects of my life, specifically the strength of my close relationships, my commitment to new healthy habits, and the depth of my work and projects.
On the eve of my 26th birthday, I sat down with one of my closest friends, Ameet (who has become skilled at consistency), to discuss my philosophy, attitude, and behavior over the past couple of years and brainstorm ways I could be more consistent. As I synthesized my reflections and those conversations with Ameet, I began building the following system to cultivate greater consistency.
The Skeleton Framework for Consistency
Consistency requires both organization and accountability. For a long-time free spirit like myself, I needed to build my own structures to grow those muscles while still feeling true to myself. The three areas where I decided to focus my efforts were the length of my goals, my verbal commitments, and my time management.
Goal-Setting
To get started, I worked backward. The practices I’d build would need to revolve around ensuring I succeeded in my goals for the next six months. I chose to set six-month goals because the areas I wanted to improve on or explore needed ample time to be realized, but within a short enough time frame to measure the efficacy of my approach and/or pivot due to new learnings or circumstances. Six months from March 2022 was also a natural endpoint, as in September, I would be starting graduate school (or deciding not to).
Thankfully, my goals came pretty instantaneously to me when I sat down to write them. It was as if, after all my reflecting over the first couple of months in 2022, they were just itching to be written down and manifested. Structurally, I used an approach most similar to the OKR framework from Intel and Google to outline my objectives. For each one, I wrote my intended outcome and then listed supporting information, such as “key results” or questions that needed answering.
Coaching
After finalizing my goals, I set out to create a system to keep me consistent. Around this time, I learned about coaching from my previous manager at the VFA accelerator, Julia Kortberg, who was in the process of getting her coaching certificate. Coaching, as Julia explained, like therapy, is a talk-based relationship with a professional, but it is more focused on self-direction, tactics, and accountability, which was exactly what I needed. Fortunately for me, the therapist I used to see already had a coaching certification, so when she agreed to conduct 30-minute weekly coaching sessions with me for the next six months, I felt confident I could still dip into therapeutic support if the need ever arose.
Before each of our coaching calls, I’d list my four goals again on a Google Doc and append any new updates or musings as bullet points underneath each category. This practice not only continuously reinforced the goals I had set, but also helped me digest the prior week and identify any unresolved experiences. During the call, my coach and I swiftly ran through the updates and then dug into the areas that needed further reflection. I would also ask my coach to challenge my notes for any inconsistencies or signs of waning discipline because I knew full well that I subconsciously had gotten quite skilled at evading long-term consistency. I was serious about changing this habit. After our session, I would jot down any new considerations under “Notes” and add immediate action items under “Next Steps.”
Decision-Making & Commitments
Beyond weekly reflections, my coach and I would also review a decision-tracking board every month. I built this board for two reasons. One, I wanted to track mid-term decisions to see whether they aligned with my long-term intentions. Two, I wanted to refine my decision-making process so I could make commitments and decisions quicker and more decisively. So, I structured the board with those objectives in mind.
As someone with curious and passionate predispositions, I often quickly hopped on to new opportunities or interests as they appeared. In order to slow down and be more intentional, I created a bank of sticky notes to incubate new ideas or possibilities. I would first let the excitement of these possibilities simmer, consider their consequences, and then ask a set of framing questions (listed on the right side) before making the call. Once I made a decision, I moved its corresponding sticky note to one of three sections: “Yes,” “Universe Decided,” and “No.” The Universe Decided section accounted for decisions that were made due to circumstances beyond my control. I placed a sticky note closer to “Yes” if the universe made something happen and vice versa. Finally, if there was a learning or unexpected consequence after a decision, I’d append a comment on the sticky note for later review.
Time Tracking
Long-term goal setting, weekly coaching check-ins, and monthly decision-tracking — all of these processes helped me become more consistent, but I realized none of these practices went anywhere unless they percolated down to actions taken each day. As a self-identified free spirit, scheduling out my days in advance felt wrong. What was more important to me was seeing whether I spent my daily hours in a way that matched what I said and intended. So, I started tracking my time through Google Calendar.
Time tracking also allowed me to look back at a week and determine where I may have either over- or under-allocated a certain type of activity. This could then help inform how I needed to either compensate for or amend a routine the following week.
Daily Journaling
Prior to this experiment for consistency, I’d journal on an ad-hoc basis, whipping out my diary and pen whenever I felt difficult emotions or knotted thinking. However, whenever I’d become extremely busy, my notebook would go untouched for large stretches of time, only being opened after I got burnt out or overwhelmed by prolongedly compartmentalized thoughts and emotions. This was the off-and-on practice I maintained for years. To finally supersede that pattern, I resolved to journal in a more structured, consistent way.
To kick off this routine, I began each morning by grabbing my journal and listing three things I felt grateful for at that moment. I would then jot down my intentions for that day. Third, I wrote out scenarios that could potentially derail those intentions in order to lower my expectations. This practice harnessed the organizing power of journaling to kick off my day with gratitude, direction, and steadfast conviction for whatever may come. After moving through the day, at night, I’d pull out my journal again before bed and let myself write in a more free-flowing way, pouring out notable experiences and thoughts that needed processing. This nighttime practice harnessed the reflective and cathartic powers of journaling to help me analyze experiences, learn from the day, and reframe thoughts and experiences that felt congested.
With these two journaling practices, I was prepared to take on each day in a self-contained way. Waking up, I felt encouraged to strive to do my best with the day; accepting the results and consequences that emerged through it, and acknowledging the end of a day with my nighttime practice enabled me to reset and do it all over again. This process helped regularly rejuvenate me to maintain endurance for my goals.
Learnings
At the end of this six month process, I graded myself on each of the goals that I had set. My scores were A, A-, B-, A-, respectively. I did well! I felt proud of the strides I had made in key areas of my life. Beyond the success of this system, though, I gained a new appreciation and understanding of the role of consistency in my life.
Causal or Correlated? Does It Matter?
Though I did relatively well on the goals I had set, some of the key elements or experiences that played significant roles in the achievement of said goals often came from unexpected events or experiences. Frankly, in the end, much of my goals’ overall success hinged on factors beyond my control. So, what does that mean for consistency? Did my increased focus on consistency really matter for the growth that seemed to inevitably happen?
It’s near-impossible to isolate the systems I developed and evaluate their impact. So, instead of waddling in that counterfactual, I believe the value of the practices is best measured by the affective experience it created within me and the effect my focus on consistency had on people around me, two key desired outcomes that drove my motivation. Emotionally, the systems I built often made me feel as though I was making progress, which not only helped me stay dedicated to my goals, but also produced an internal sense of confidence that can only come from working on something difficult and long-term. Beyond the increased conviction and confidence, my consistency-focused systems also helped remind me of the bigger picture whenever I felt anxious or upset about random quotidian occurrences or something not related to my priorities.
Externally, explicitly sharing out my goals and practices with my loved ones allowed me to communicate my focus and direction with them, helping them better understand me, support me, or even join me on similar missions. I also gained another level of confidence from simply being able to communicate my goals and priorities with people.
I am part of predominantly Western, highly rationalistic, and ambitiously assertive communities. These groups tend to respect and praise behavior that is highly intentional, organized, and proactive. It’s well-documented that Western elite circles prefer linear thinking, like philosophies of consistent action producing consistent results. Sure, I’m well aware that most events are actually beyond my control, but leaning into consistent behavior for the emotional and social benefits it produces started making a lot more sense for me.
Providing Structure in Uncertainty
Consistent behavior and systems really shine in the face of intense ambiguity. When I launched into these practices in March, I was also embarking on one of the most uncertain and amorphous periods of my life: I was not working a full-time job, I had no lease, my communities were spread across several cities, and I was unsure whether I’d be attending graduate school in the fall. It was my focus on consistency that kept me structured throughout the six months.
As a young, ambitious person, I learned that high levels of ambiguity can be challenging. No one is setting deadlines, schedules, rewards, and punishments for you. Instead, most of your responsibilities, decisions, and actions have to be self-directed. This can produce a lot of anxiety. Early on, I struggled knowing what to do or whether I was focusing on the right thing. New opportunities kept popping up, and I experienced significant fomo and lower self-esteem from comparing my life to others who seemed to be linearly progressing in their careers. Implementing these systems brought much needed balance and a self-imposed structure to help quell these feelings. Today, I feel extra equipped to handle future ambiguous environments, though I was certainly eager for some external structure by the end of it.
If You Stumble, Keep Going
If I were to define consistency in my own words, the first definition that would come to mind would be, "the propensity to keep going despite failures and roadblocks." Long-term goals are often daunting at first because they seem to require many steps and the payoffs are far out into the future. Maintaining consistency throughout a process requires both resilience and faith because the path you are on will likely feature tumbles, barriers, and setbacks. You have to believe that by sticking to your plan you will get where you intend.
Over those six months, I lived in seven cities, worked four different jobs, and fasted during Ramadan. My routine changed on a nearly monthly basis, and my perseverance was rattled many times. I often caught myself thinking, “Can I even become consistent if my life changes this much?” Yet, time and time again, I recommitted to the routine and remembered my north stars. After a while I noticed my body seemed to crave the practices I had built. I eventually became adroit at adjusting to major changes, knowing what routines I needed to structure my schedule around as new things came up. Until finally, changes that came up in my days didn’t seem to phase me as much anymore — I could integrate them into my system, making tweaks here and there.
That does not mean I did not ‘fail’ on my systems, though. Many weeks, I would go long stretches skimping out on a particular habit, other times I succumbed to pressure, anxiety, or distractions. But every time — often with the help of my supportive network of friends — I would be reminded of my definition of consistency. I just had to keep at it.
Moving Forward
I’m faaar from where I want to be in terms of consistency, but I have certainly improved. And, in the spirit of consistency, I am still working on it day-by-day to get better.
This graphic from James Clear helps me stay motivated when I fall short of my goals and where I want to be in terms of my consistency. The days that I slip up, I can make the choice to continue that pattern, or I can decide to return to being 1% better the next opportunity I have. It’s in the math: over time, one path will lead me to a much greater outcome than the other.
whoa ! i love how this post gives concrete actionable tips while also diving into a meta-reflection on the practices - the causal v. correlated paragraph is one of the most insightful paragraphs on 'self-help' i've ever encountered.